Hola, airhead addlepates! We find you in a tangle of nastiness as the month of jaundiced July unfolds and does its worst to you and all your kind.
First cab off the rank is marauding Mars as he barrels belligerently into vexatious Virgo, condemning you and all of your efforts into the stygian dark of your solar eighth house, wherein dwell a ghastly crew of morticians, occultists, accountants and taxidermists. You will have sexual relations with stuffed animals, bury a few relatives you dislike and invest money in a house of prostitution.
As a New Moon comes in neurotic Cancer, you will start a new job (eek) or develop an allergy to dairy products. You will visit the theatre or have an astounding epiphany, which is that you don't like work or your co-workers. Thus, you decide to train yourself as a taxidermist or a prostitute and get involved with the dark side, leaving your old life behind. You try to talk your friends into investing in your ventures, discuss the finer points of taxidermy with a sibling or try to start an affair with the next person you meet.
You negotiate with the staff at your brothel over wages but as a Full Moon comes in gloomy Capricorn, you experience severe disillusionment with all your activities and wonder why you're involved with these rather grim and ghastly endeavours. But then 'hooray to one and all' as the great Sol Invicti rolls into lackwit Leo and you propose marriage (or at least sex) to the next person you meet. They turn out to be talkative and entirely irritating so the match is perfect. The attraction of like for like, my little loonies!
Due to the illicit congress of vamping Venus and narcotic Neptune, we leave you performing various acts of substance abuse, like shouting at the soap, criticising the sugar or engaging in various improprieties with the shampoo while your new spouse rattles on interminably. Will there be a death in the family soon? Or, will you just wander off and do something else with someone else as is so often the case? Click here next time and so discover. For the nonce, ave, tiny nitwits!