Greeting, hairdressing types! Are you prepared for a month of tragedy, trial and travail? If not then ready yourselves instanter for that is what is on the menu in jaundiced July. With marauding Mars first cab off the rank into vexatious Virgo, you try to increase your wealth by running about and yelling at people to give you money.
However, as this fails (like everything you do), you then masquerade as a mystic with great spiritual powers when a New Moon comes in neurotic Cancer. With the doors to your solar twelfth house open wide, you become delusional and those around you become confused as you sit on an ornate cushion, making bizarre and outré prophecies. Dressed in your psychic finery and looking like a loon, you will have secret talks about money while someone close to you will hire a lawyer or a comedian or travel overseas. You will buy a heavy vehicle and talk to yourself while driving it.
As vamping Venus slithers into your sign, you'll buy some of those garish garments you fancy and get an appalling haircut. As a Full Moon comes in Capricorn, your employer will ring to ask why you haven't been attending work. However, with mischievous Mercury in neurotic Cancer and your solar twelfth house, you will lose track of the conversation in moments and start thinking about something else.
As the great Sol Invicti rolls and clatters drunkenly into your sign, you will hire a publicist and promote your prophetic skills, giving lectures on the subject of psychic awakening. You will become so famous that your little piles of coins will grow, allowing you to buy a much nicer lunch at your favourite café. However, your fame has a nasty side effect in that all those that have a grudge against you or to whom you owe money come to witness your performance. They make catcalls as well as shouting their demands. Fiercely psychic and marvellous, you shout them down, curse them roundly and drive them from your seminar with magic spells and the hurling of nasty objects. You then hire a fashion designer to make you look even more ridiculous so that you can triumph as the world's greatest living psychic and lunatic.
Click here next time for more of this egregious twaddle. For the nonce, ave, little hair gel horrors!